Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
