Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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