is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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