why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
