saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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