arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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