when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
