Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
