the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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