I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
