if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
