Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
