dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
