the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
