The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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