i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I checked into jail on foursquare
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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