I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize