so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
