Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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