i may or may not be watching the land before time
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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