Whod you bang
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
