i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
3 2 1 whiskey
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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