How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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