She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
