I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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