As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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