You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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