I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
