I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
