I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
