You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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