if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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