I think i peed on brittanys purse
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
