Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
