How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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