why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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