so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Send help, water and tortillas.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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