Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We need to rekindle our bromance
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
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