and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize