I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
