your thong is hanging out like whoa
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
