I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize