Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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