I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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