she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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