I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
