she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
