i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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