Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
