i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
