I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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