Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
