Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
