yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
ttyl tear gas
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
