It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
