the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
