last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I will pee on everything he values.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
