I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
