I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
