When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
