I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
