I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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