Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Randomize
