having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Sober January is a disaster.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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