Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
...so i touched it.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize