Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
