:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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