I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
