WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i came on her dog
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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