i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
