oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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